


hi, my name is jade :)

by chronicAngel



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, First Meetings, Gen, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chronicAngel/pseuds/chronicAngel
Summary: GG: im not a spy!GG: i am a regular girl!TG: thats exactly the shit a spy would say
Relationships: Jade Harley & Dave Strider
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	hi, my name is jade :)

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] \--  
  
GG: you must be dave!  
TG: and you must be the weirdo psychic that rose has been talking about  
TG: you can save the psychic spiel here, i dont believe in that stuff  
TG: plus even if it was real a psychics probably basically the lamest thing you can be  
TG: what a shit superpower  
GG: i didnt realize that rose had talked to you about me! 8D  
GG: that makes me so happy that she thinks of me sometimes   
GG: we must really be friends!  
TG: uh?   
TG: okay?   
GG: oh, and i am not psychic!  
GG: i keep telling rose that but she does not listen 8/  
TG: yeah she can be kind of purposely obtuse sometimes  
TG: to describe it in words that she would use anyway  
TG: personally i think shes just brain thicc  
TG: which is the only thicc that she is now or will be ever  
TG: snoop dogg would drop that bitch like it was hawt instantaneously  
TG: “oh shit this bitch not thicc at all”  
TG: except in the brain sense  
TG: both in that shes got an overabundance of brain that drives both me and every other poor unfortunate soul with the bad luck to meet her fucking batshit insane  
TG: drive me straight to the loony bin  
TG: and also in that she is just sort of regular thick sometimes  
TG: like the nothing gets through her thick skull kinda thick  
TG: its cool though ive been dealing with it forever  
TG: shes real lucky to have me  
TG: even if shes goin around giving my name out to every internet predator that asks for it  
GG: oh!  
GG: rose didnt tell me your name silly 8P  
GG: and even if she had i did not ask for it!  
TG: right yeah youre just a crazy good guesser  
TG: i totally believe that completely 100%  
TG: god what are you one of those trolls or something?  
GG: no!! D8  
GG: i am not a troll!  
GG: i think that maybe we got off on the wrong foot here  
GG: my name is jade  
GG: and your name is dave so we can skip the step where you tell me in some really weird drawn out way!  
TG: damn jade is your last name “ruins peoples fun”  
TG: “my name is jade and i like crushing dudes boners”  
TG: if were gonna be friends you gotta get significantly cooler  
TG: first step to getting cooler is to not message people about how you already know their names  
TG: thats weird  
GG: i didnt message you about that!!!  
TG: you kinda did  
TG: also second lesson in being cool is to stop using exclamation marks  
TG: from now on you dont care that much about things  
TG: or at least take it down from this!!!!!!  
TG: to this!  
TG: seriously maybe youre really lucky to have me too  
TG: all these babes be mackin on me for free coolness advice and here i am just lettin em have it like some chump  
TG: youre basically scamming me  
TG: i knew you were probably an online predator but i figured you were at least a kidnapper and not like a nigerian prince  
TG: sorry sir i hate to inform you of this but i actually dont have an income  
TG: i have a social security number but youll have to pry that out of my cold dead hands  
TG: not because i care that much about the social security number  
TG: i hope ive made it abundantly clear by this point that i dont care that much about anything  
TG: thatd be super uncool which i am not  
TG: but because i dont really wanna give you any more freebies  
GG: i dont want your freebies!  
GG: or your social security number or your friggin coolness lessons!!  
GG: and im not going to stop using exclamation marks because i like them!!!  
GG: i will use even more just to bother you!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: gosh i didnt realize that you were going to be such a jerk 8|  
GG: were supposed to be really good friends!!  
TG: supposed to be?  
TG: like what youre on a top secret spy mission from the cia or something?  
TG: thats pretty cool i guess  
GG: im not a spy!  
GG: i am a regular girl!  
TG: thats exactly the shit a spy would say  
TG: are you talking to me because rose gave you the slip?  
TG: i wont talk  
GG: i am not a spy and rose did not give me the slip and you are gonna talk to me!!  
GG: if you dont talk to me today then ill just keep messaging you every day because were going to be friends!  
TG: what is that supposed to be a threat or something?  
GG: no!!  
GG: its just a statement of fact!  
GG: we are going to be friends, i know this to be true  
TG: right  
TG: because of your psychic powers  
GG: im not a psychic!!!!!!!!!! XC  
TG: dude can you at least stop using those stupid emoticons  
GG: i think theyre cute 8(  
TG: nah  
TG: theyre lame and dumb  
TG: what are the 8s even for like are those your anime eyes or something?  
GG: theyre my glasses!  
TG: double nah  
TG: only a dork puts glasses in their emoticons  
TG: at least do normal emoticons like a regular loser instead of a double mega ultra loser  
GG: maybe youre a double mega ultra loser!!  
GG: hehe that was a joke  
GG: i think you are probably actually pretty cool  
GG: even if you are not making being friends very easy 8/  
TG: youre not the first person whos told me that  
GG: i wont be the last one either!!  
GG: ill tell you what  
GG: if i start writing my emoticons without glasses  
GG: like poor blind stupid dumb babies  
GG: can we start over with this being friends thing?  
TG: yeah sure why not  
TG: maybe thisll get rose to get off my dick about making other friends  
GG: ok!  
GG: hi, my name is jade :)

**Author's Note:**

> This is not very good (and honestly not how I really picture their first conversation going) but I had a lot of fun writing it and it was a good chance to practice the awful awful Homestuck Skin formatting.


End file.
